March Madness Sweet 16 Day 1: We're Still Standing.

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls! Gather 'round, gather 'round! After a painstaking three day hiatus with no basketball that was only spared by Tiger Woods' attempt at a comeback ending in a resounding defeat in simulator golf, we are back. I am not a father yet, which means the blog lives to see another round. If you're a "what have you done for me lately" person (5-5 on Sunday), that might be bad news. But if you're taking a long-term approach to growing your bankroll (39-23 this tournament), my wife extends the humblest "you're welcome". And also a "where are my dumplings?". It's 9pm. She wants dumplings. We're five days from D-Day. So she's getting my best dumplings. We're multi-tasking here.

Enough Xia Long Bao talk, time for Xia Long Ball talk. Woof. Probably one of my worst puns. ANYWAYS. We're on the cusp of what could be one of the best Sweet 16s we've seen in a Xia Long time. (Last one, I promise.) It's Shire vs Pitino, it's Hurley vs Izzo, it's Houston in Houston, it's sweaty Sean Miller against that annoying gnat that won't go away in Purdue. I just listened to John Fanta give an impromptu hype speech about the next two days and I'm ready to run through a brick wall. Arizona's still standing better than they ever did, the Hawkeyes are looking like a true survivor, and I'm feeling like a little kid. So without further delay or anymore mentions of chinese food, let's get into the games!

Purdue (2) vs Texas (11)

Purdue -7.5, O/U 147.5

Oh god no. Do I have to? And why is this the first game out of the gate? I've generally been pretty positive about most teams this whole tournament, except for Texas and Purdue. So it's a nice slice of humble pie I'm being served by the NCAA, or Mark Emmert, or cocky-Jay Bilas in being forced to pick a winner between these two abominations to the tournament. But if we have to, we're going to stick with our tried and true. Dance with the girl that brought us. Give me the superior guard play, the significantly more experienced team, and the overwhelmingly better outside shooting team. And for the love of all that is holy please give me any other teams to talk about. Yes, I'm grumpy.

The Pick: Purdue -7.5

Nebraska (4) vs Iowa (9)

Nebraska -1.5, O/U 131.5

Okay, I know, I know. "Joe, you hyped this up as one of the best Sweet 16s in recent history and you're starting me with a matchup that is as close as we can get to literal puke, and a game between two schools famous for punting a million times in football!" And to that I say A) wow, you have some good opinions and B) Trust me, we're building towards it. And I know you see these two logos and think: 2.3 yards per carry, 7 field goal attempts, and a 9-6 final at 11am on a Saturday in 38 degrees in late October. But they can play basketball now. And they will both score in double-digits. Progress! On a serious note, Ben McCollum is one of the best coaching stories in the sport right now, and Nebraska is currently the best feel good story as they're in their first Sweet 16 shortly after winning their first tournament game. On the court, they are pretty even. They split their two previous matchups, and both were very close games. In a matchup this tight, I'll take the up and coming coach, the closest thing we have to a Cinderella, and the team that just dethroned last year champion vs a school so far from where they've ever been before. Also, the over. I mean 131? Is this a joke? As much as it pains Kirk Ferentz, you can't punt from your opponents 38 yard-line in basketball. Someone has to score.

The Pick: Iowa +1.5 AND Over 131.5

Arizona (1) vs Arkansas (4)

Arizona -7.5, O/U 166.5

Told you it'd get better. Tommy Lloyd vs cherry-checkered-jacket Cal. This is far and away the best game of the tournament so far, and it could end up being the 3rd or 4th best game of the Sweet 16. Duke, Michigan, and Arizona are the only 3 teams that rank in the top-10 in both offensive and defensive efficiency. The Wildcats are a trendy to pick to win it all for good reason, but they'll have to get through Coach Cal and the best player in the tournament in Darius Acuff to even make the regional final. Let me put this another way. There is a good chance that for a long stretch of this game, 7 of the 10 players on your screen will be playing in the NBA. If that doesn't get you fired up, I don't know what will. This game is oozing hype, talent, and storylines. And 7.5 is wayyyy to much to swallow. Give me Acuff to take over and potentially pull the upset.

The Pick: Arkansas +7.5

Bonus Pick: Arkansas Moneyline +290

Houston (2) vs Illinois (3)

Houston -2.5, O/U 139.5

Thursday truly has everything. From a blood-boiling hate watch, to a battle between perennial Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl contenders, to an overflow of talent, and finishing with a clash of styles in the hometown of the team on a revenge tour. It's the most efficient offense in the country vs one of the best defenses in the country. It's Houston, playing in their home city, salty after coming up a short last year, looking to get through an Illinois team who, on their day, can beat anyone in the country. We know what Houston will do: clamp down, turn it into a bar fight, and out hustle. Illinois will try and keep it open, and turn this into a track meet. If this is your first time watching the Illini this season, yes, that is Peja Stojakovic's son, and yes, there's a whole lot of Slavic players on their team. More "itches" on the back of Illini jerseys than a case of chickenpox, but will that be enough to overcome the bruises dished out by the Cougars? I'm not too sure. But I do know that Houston have stepped up their scoring all year when playing high powered offenses, so we're gonna end this glorious afternoon in the purest way possible: Cheering for the ball to go through the hoop.

The Pick: Over 139.5