March Madness Sweet 16 Day 2: Dead Men Tell No Tales

I was 7 years old when I first rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. I was terrified, anxious, and did not think I'd make it off the boat. A few minutes later after being teased by the false drop at the end (if you know, you know), I found myself sprinting off the ride to get to the back of the line and go again. I rode that ride 6 or 7 times in a row. It kicked off a life-long affinity for the story, the movies, and the ride.

Well, the ride closed this month. And it may be for good. So, in honor of its legacy, we'll tribute today's picks to those animatronic pirates and those boats that bruised your knees. As the cheesy voiceover would say when you board the boats, "Dead men tell no tales". We surely are testing that today, because I am in fact, a dead man. Finished. Cooked. Toast. Dead.

Not only did Houston forgetting how to play basketball (at home!) and Arkansas thinking playing defense was optional kill my brackets, it caused the blog to go 2-3 and kill my spirit as well. Alas, we still have a stellar 41-26 (61%) record for the tournament, but it does not feel like it. We'll see today if this dead man can muster up a tale, or at the very least, a winning record. Yo-Ho.

Duke (1) vs St John's (5)

Duke -6.5, O/U 141.5

Aye, captain. Pitino vs Duke. A premier matchup to kick-off the day offering a complete 180 of an experience from the puke-fest that was Texas-Purdue yesterday. This game has been discussed and dissected a million different ways by talking heads, pundits, tik-tok teens, and your co-workers all week so I doubt there is anything I can say to enlighten you. However, we're not here to enlighten you, we're here to enrich you. St Johns has gotten a lot of hype for their run in March, but it's a bit of a facade given they barely snuck by a not-very-good Kansas team last round. I think they are getting way too much credit with this line. Duke has the best defense going against a team who struggles to score consistently, and although I think it will be a battle for the first 75% of the game, I think Duke runs away with it at the end. Especially if they can get wet from 3.

The Pick: Duke -6.5*

*If you want to follow Lakeside Golf Club's all-time favorite caddie, Dodge Ward, he has the over.

Michigan (1) vs Alabama (4)

Michigan -9.5, O/U 173.5

Wow, 173.5, that's a big number. No, I don't care. It may be true that nobody could match the British Navy's Interceptor for speed in the Atlantic. But that was because they had never seen the Black Pearl in open waters. In this athletic adaptation of the 2003 Curse of the Black Pearl film, this number is high, it is mighty, it is the Interceptor. But we have the Pearl. These teams play fast, score in bunches, and will be able to catch the elusive total. Does this mean Nate Oates is Jack Sparrow? Not sure, that's for you to figure out. Bama + March = Auto-smash the over and build your loot of Aztec gold.

The Pick: Over 173.5

UCONN (2) vs Michigan State (3)

UCONN -1.5, O/U 136.5

Izzo vs Hurley. Two of the biggest personalities in the sport going head to head to kick off the nightcap. This game should to be a treat to watch, and with a spread this tight, odds are it will deliver. On the court we will see Carr vs Karaban in post, and that should feature quite heavily as neither team likes to take a large volume of long-range shots. Picking a side is like splitting hairs, but Karaban in his career at UCONN has either won a championship or lost to the eventual champion. I don't think Sparty fits into the latter. Give me the Huskies. I'll take the over too because we've got serious OT potential and late fouling potential to give us a final push.

The Pick: UCONN -1.5 AND Over 136.5

Iowa State (2) vs Tennessee (6)

Iowa State -3.5, O/U 139.5

We might have a problem here. I'm probably too in love with this Iowa State spread. Any way I slice this game, I don't see Tennessee pulling it out or keeping it close. "But Joe, didn't you say the same thing about Iowa and Florida?". Yes. Shut up about that. We're ending the night and heading to the Sweet 16 on a winning note by backing the Cyclones to continue suffocating their opponents and refusing to believe Miami of Ohio or Virginia provided any real test to the Volunteers so far. And with that, I may or may not see you tomorrow. Dead Men might in fact not tell tales.

The Pick: Iowa State -3.5